


I Wish For You

by OhTigridia



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Act 5 spoilers, Flashbacks, Kissing, M/M, Mourning, Reflection, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhTigridia/pseuds/OhTigridia
Summary: August smiled soft, his lilac eyes almost distant and pitying.“This organisation can be particularly suffocating sometimes and… well I hope one day you can find someone special who loves you lots... I hope one day someone kisses you and you understand how those characters feel.”“I hope you both find your soulmates.”
Relationships: Arisugawa Homare/Mikage Hisoka, August & Mikage Hisoka & Utsuki Chikage, Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 10
Kudos: 157





	I Wish For You

August had always been an avid reader. Perhaps, with little to do in between missions at the time, the habit had worn off on the younger two. April had read short novels and texts as a method of relaxation, and had found himself reading a thicker novel that August had recommended as a classic favorite. December was certainly not a reader, but often found reading was a good way to send him to sleep again. One time, August had found a soft bruise on the side of his face, and December had explained that he had fallen asleep whilst reading, and had been smacked in the face when his grip on the book fell. 

“Oh dear me, who knew books were so dangerous!” August had laughed, and pressed a cold towel against the bruise to stop the swelling. December had squirmed, never a fan of the cold, despite his namesake. 

“Mm, you’re lucky we don’t have any ice here, though I’m sure it would have been a much better solution than just a cold towel.. But it will do!”

“I’m surprised you let him handle a gun if he manages to injure himself with a book.” April observed.

“Not my fault.. I’m always so sleepy when we have nothing to do.. Plus I’m getting better at staying awake on missions so it’s fine…” 

“Yes, you’re certainly improving! I don’t really blame you for being sleepy when we have nothing to do. Just be careful with the books!” August laughed and ruffled December’s hair. He scrunched his nose.

“Will do..” 

“You’re soft.” April complained.

“And you’re just a grumpy guts!” 

“Maybe so.” April sighed, and went back to reading the book to avert his eyes from August’s embarrassing teasing. 

“How’re you finding your book then April?” August asked, as December made himself comfortable in his lap, looking sleepily across at April. He ran his fingers through snow-white hair, as if December were some kind of cat. 

“It’s good, though the romance is embarrassing.” 

“Gosh, can you bring yourself to like anything sweet!?” August laughed teasingly. 

“Loud..” 

“Oh dear, sorry December!” 

April rolled his eyes at the pair, and complained. “It feels unnecessary, I don’t understand “soulmates”, and all that awful sentimental nonsense.” 

August smiled soft, his lilac eyes almost distant and pitying. “I hope one day you do. This organisation can be particularly suffocating sometimes and… well I hope one day you can find someone special who loves you lots.. In a way different to the way me and December do of course. I.. I hope one day someone kisses you and you understand how those characters feel.”

“Gross.”

“Gross.” December agreed. 

“Aha, I know, I’m just being silly and romantic aren't I!..” 

“But one day I hope you both find your soulmates.”   
  


\---

_Hisoka Mikage._ He still has to repeat it in his mind. To remind himself of who he is now, when he looks into the mirror still lost. Still fighting to move into the present, as the memories of December trickle slowly into his head.

The rest still feel like static.

Arisu is loud - he drowns out the static. 

With his overbearing, he forces Hisoka into the present. When he’s going numb again, he’ll do whatever he can to ensure he’s not lonely alone. And he’ll still protest that he can’t understand people. Hisoka doesn’t understand why. 

They’re both unsure of what it means to be human, both trying to understand relationships and emotional intimacy. Still trying to be normal without losing themselves.

Hisoka likes to nap with him, though he’ll never let him know. 

He’ll still be cold and standoffish. Arisu will still laugh and kiss his forehead.

They lay in spring, among the blooming flowers, and Arisu was loud enough to drown the static out. 

“Emerald and snow, crash in contrast. Little. Quiet. The taste of sugar on his lips, and how my heart did melt. Blind to beautiful flaws.” Homare read. 

“How’s that one?” 

“Annoying…” Hisoka replied. _Beautiful_ he meant.

Homare laughed, and turned to glance affectionately at the man who rested quietly on his chest. “Of course. I think I’ve lost count of quite the number of poems I’ve written about you…” 

Hisoka closed his eyes, and pretended to be asleep once more. He half wondered why Arisu wasn’t sick of his coldness by now, and half wondered if maybe he understood the fragile contrast in their ways of showing affection. How Arisu was all words and gestures, and how Hisoka just wanted to be in Homare’s presence forever, but couldn’t understand how to express anything so delicately foreign as a romantic _love._

“Ahh Hisoka, always falling asleep through my poetry, even after I spent so long writing them for you. You are a spoiled lover!”

“Why don’t you just let me fall asleep to your voice?” 

“Pardon?”

“Your poems are… pretty…”. Hisoka mumbled, embarrassed. “If you weren’t so noisy they’d nice to fall asleep to..”

“Really? Hisoka being honest with me! Whatever has this world come to!” He tapped a finger to Hisoka’s nose affectionately, and Hisoka turned his head away. 

“Shut up. You’re being loud again Arisu.”

“Mmm shut up? But you said you wanted me to keep reading!” 

“Read quietly..”

“I suppose I understand.”

Homare cleared his throat, and begun again, in a softer voice. Hisoka closed his eyes and listened intently to his words, and how his heartbeat mixed with the sound of the wind in the grass.

Something echoed that he was afraid of losing that precious sound.

“Heart of broken clockwork, no room for love. Where the emotions run dry, and passion only for word. Cold. Like the boy of snow. Selfish. Both taking, and tied together by winter destiny - a fate one may craft as soulmates.”

“..Soulmates?” Hisoka asked. Something tugged at the back of his mind. _Static_. A memory of his past that he couldn’t quite grasp a hold of… 

“Do you like that one?”

“Yeah…” He admitted. “I… I think August once told me about soulmates… that he… wanted me to find mine…” 

“Oh?” Homare smiled. Hisoka opened his eyes and watched a warm affection that danced in the red of his boyfriend’s eyes.

He adjusted his position, from laying on Arisu’s chest, to laying so his face was inches away from Arisu’s, and placed his hands on the side of his face. _Warm_. He examined his expression, trying to etch it into his mind so it wouldn’t leave… _Perfect_ \- startled at Hisoka’s sudden movement, but sweet, wondrous, _loving_.

Hisoka pressed his face down to meet his boyfriend’s lips, a sudden gasp rose in his throat as he moved his hands to brush through his hair.

He kissed him, and he noted everything he didn’t want to forget...

How Arisu’s lips always tasted sweet and perfect against his… it sparked something like a longing desire to always be able to kiss him like that…

 _Soulmates_ …

 _“I hope one day someone kisses you and you understand how those characters feel...I hope you both find your soulmates...”_ His voice flickered in the static.  
  


“I think I already have.” He whispered.

—

Itaru isn’t graceful.

He’s double edged, similar to Chikage, but smells more like cheap cologne and junk food. Chikage doesn’t mind it. He doesn’t mind making his bed, or washing his clothes for him like some spent old housewife, because Itaru’s imperfections are what make him loveable. 

He feels human.

He’s a normal, down to earth 24 year old, and he makes Chikage feel like the normal, down to earth 26 year old he never was allowed to be. There’s nothing special about him, and yet, everything about him feels like the special _normal_ Chikage’s been dying for since that winter night. 

He comes home from overtime at work, from his _normal_ office job, and finds his _normal_ boyfriend hunched over a games controller. 

“Welcome home.” Itaru said, his voice affectionate, but distracted by the game he was playing. 

“Evening.” Chikage replied, pulled off his work blazer and hung it away next to Itaru’s - one of the only items of clothing he actually took care of. 

“Still playing that stupid dating game?” 

“Yeah. It’s not stupid.” 

“Sure thing.” Chikage said, and went to sit on the bed behind his boyfriend, watching him play his ridiculous video’ game.

“You ever think I might get jealous if you replace me with one of those anime girls?” 

“You don’t get jealous Senpai. Plus you know it’s just a game.”

“I wonder…”

“What?” 

“Just teasing. Tell me about it?” 

“Why’re you suddenly interested?” 

Chikage sighed. “Do I need a reason? You should be thankful that I’m bothering to indulge you.” 

Perhaps he just liked to hear him talking. He didn’t want him to stop. Ever. Perhaps he was afraid he would. 

“Um, so it’s a pretty run of the mill game but I was excited for it to come out for a while, and nothing beats the classic set ups sometimes... It’s a fantasy setting like the one you played yeah? But obviously it’s a dating game so…” 

Chikage liked the way he talked, half excited to discuss his interests, and half distracted by the actual gameplay.

“It has a battle section too so you’re obviously like powering up your protag, but you can get different endings based on who you talk to the most and stuff? Does that make sense?” 

“Of course.”

“Great. So there’s 6 different routes you can do, and I’ve played 5 now. This is the final one. Uh, I mean you can do whatever route you want and a lot of people don’t do all of them, but I always do of course… anyway I don’t want to bore you with the whole plot, but this ending is basically the “true end” or whatever? So it ties up all the loose ends and stuff. The protag and this girl are kinda like soulmates or something? I’m not 100% sure exactly because I haven’t played it yet but I’ve heard and-“

“Soulmates?”

“Yeah.”

“...How embarrassing.” He lied. 

“How unromantic as usual.”

“I suppose so.” 

Itaru went quiet for a while. Chikage just watched Itaru’s eyes, glued to the screen, and the different coloured light that danced across his face in the dark room. He liked the quiet too. He liked Itaru’s irritation when his character was injured, and his soft laugher at the game’s ridiculous jokes. He liked when his hair fell from his stupid bun, and how it brushed his soft skin. 

He always questioned whether he deserved him… whether he deserved to brush that blonde hair from his eyes, when Itaru had become too engrossed in the game… 

“What’re you doing Senpai?” Itaru laughed.

“You had hair in your face.” 

“Thanks…” 

“Of course…” He loved Itaru, but that man bun sure did look ridiculous… So whether he deserved to or not, he pushed his fingers through his hair, and it came back to his messy sweeping bangs. 

“Ok seriously what’re you doing?” Itaru paused the game.

“You do know your hair looks dumb like that?” He mocked.

“Yeah? I don’t really care though.”

Chikage laughed, and pulled his face close to his, running his fingers through his hair again to neaten it out. It fell seamlessly at the sides of his face.

“So, do you actually believe in soulmates?”

“I… What’s gotten into you today?” 

“Answer the question.”

“I don’t know. Until I met you, I never thought I’d marry anyone other than a body pillow.” Itaru laughed awkwardly, his cheeks going rosy.

“So you want to get married now?” 

“I… This is not how I’m proposing Senpai! You’re so unromantic…” Itaru huffed.

“Still?”

“Yeah! Seriously what’s wrong with you today?” 

“I was just thinking….” Chikage thought of a lot of things - of how terribly weak Itaru made him, and how perhaps he didn’t care anymore… 

“Soulmates huh. Someone told me a long time ago that he hoped I’d find mine. And I laughed at him, and told him such ridiculous things didn’t exist.” 

“And… do you still believe that?”

Chikage paused to think, though he already knew the answer. 

“No.”

—-

Love was a strange thing. Chikage first questioned the concept in August’s books. He read them slowly, while August was alive, and then all at once when he was dead - like he was trying to fill his soul with the words that August liked. 

Hisoka couldn’t remember any of the books August had lent him. It was distant. He couldn’t quite remember the scenario that led August to look so repentant at the idea of soulmates. He had laughed so sadly, so dreadfully bittersweet. Hisoka couldn't remember why. 

Perhaps he wanted them to be free - blaming himself for bringing them to the organisation. Perhaps he thought they’d die there, having never known the privilege of romance that common people took for granted. 

For now, Hisoka is sleeping, his soft snoring leading Chikage to find him there on a courtyard bench. It is rare they find themselves alone together, but with Itaru at a longer shift, and Homare at a book signing, they take the time to acknowledge the fates of each other. 

“Wake up.” Chikage demands to no avail. 

He rolls his eyes, and sneaks off to find marshmallows and a blanket from Hisoka’s room. Though he knows it’s perfectly safe here, he still doesn’t like how he and Homare are foolish enough to leave their door unlocked on a regular basis...

“Wake up!” He snaps, throwing the blacket roughly at Hisoka, along with the marshmallows. 

“Mm” Hisoka grunts. “Chikage… bringing me marshmallows? And a blanket?”

“Since your overly loud boyfriend is away I suppose I have no choice to take responsibility for you. It’s the middle of winter and it would be a problem for me if you froze to death.”

“...Thank you…” 

Chikage just scoffs, but seats himself beside the smaller man, who soon enough has made his lap a pillow.

“I’m not your boyfriend Hisoka, I’ve done enough looking out for you without you falling asleep on me. Move.”

“No.” Hisoka states firmly, knowing full well that if Chikage wanted to, he would move him, and yet has made no attempt to. 

Chikage just rolls his eyes once more, as Hisoka starts his peaceful snoring again. 

The sky is vast over them, painted with speckled stars, and the sorrowful moon.

He thinks of August, as December rests quietly on his knee like he did with August all those years ago...

“Thanks August, for giving your life to us… I know that you wanted us to find happiness, and I want you to know that we have. Itaru… makes me uncharacteristically weak. I would have told you I hated it. I don’t. I wouldn’t have it another way..  
As for December, he found someone who makes him happy again as well, in a way I haven’t seen him since you left us… Homare is loud, way louder than even you ever were, and I think that deserves to be noted. He even manages to make December laugh, and he cares for him so much…” He pauses as a tear rolls down his cheek. 

He lets himself cry.

“I read all your books. Every last one, but I always think of that day you told us about soulmates. You looked… sad that day, and I could tell you blamed yourself for something, as if what you did for me and December was wrong... I don’t know where I’d be without you… probably dead by now, and I honestly don’t doubt that December would be too. But we’re not. We’re alive because of you... So I want you to rest easy, because we even found our soulmates - someone to love us like you wanted..”

“...I miss you August… always…”

  
  


“But thank you…”


End file.
